My clients do this every day … In fact lots of people do this. Do you?
No, not brushing their teeth. They beat themselves up – sometimes constantly – through negative thoughts, negative self-talk, self-loathing and anger. They feel bad, and bad about themselves – a fact they do not let themselves forget. Even when they do something well, they don’t let up … there’s a constant litany of variations on a theme: It’s not good enough, I’m not good enough – lots of shoulds and not measuring up.
The worst part is they believe their thoughts and self-talk. They live by it … it becomes their story.
Needless to say these people feel bad … not just emotionally, but physically as well. They complain about being tired or exhausted, and lack the resiliency to cope with the stress in their lives. They feel overwhelmed.
So I did an experiment. I decided to measure my energy field and explore the effects of this kind of negative self-talk.
Ick!!!
Negative thinking … Negative results
Just to be clear – I am not immune to negativity or negative self-talk. I have had and continue to have my share, especially when my resources are low. I have, however worked hard at dispelling these negative beliefs and stories, using many of the same approaches and techniques I teach in my work. For the most part – when they show up they are at a low volume, and I have learned to pay them no mind; I no longer give them power or credence when they show up. Old programs no longer have me in their grip.
For this experiment, however, I turned up the volume to really, really loud; I let my feelings follow the self-talk, and relived old stories as if they were real. I allowed my negative thoughts and self-talk act as kindling – feeding the fire of my emotions and feelings, which in turn fed the I’m not okay refrain looping in my head. Essentially, for the sake of science, I beat myself to the ground.
Okay … so what happened (other than my feeling totally awful)? Well, a picture is worth a thousand words …
Notice the holes beginning to appear in my energy field (middle picture) … I am beginning to eat myself alive! This capture was taken just 5 minutes after the first one. A very nasty 5 minutes indeed.
Luckily I have enough inner resilience that in the next five minutes I was able to restore my energy field (and even improve on my baseline) by showering myself with more loving and positive thoughts and self-talk (3rd capture).
What do you tell yourself in the recesses of your mind?